Meet Deon December 28, 2011

If you leave something at my house, I will gladly return it. Unless, of course, you don’t deserve it.

If you simply fall off the face of the Earth without so much as a “See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya,” rest assured I will take your item with me everywhere I go and photograph it having the time of its life  - the life that you are missing out on, I might add.

Meet Deon. He is a can of men’s deodorant destined to live a life of adventure and excitement. These are just a sampling of photos depicting Deon’s time with me so far…

(I’m not crazy.)

Deon about to tickle the ivories.

Deon hangin ten with cool-ass surfer dudes

Deon chillin with Alvin, Simon & Theodore.

You Have To See It To Believe It November 20, 2011

Are you effing kidding me?! Starry Night by Van Gogh?! I can barely apply a clear coat on my nails without screwing that up!

Omg, you must watch this video. That is, if you want to see a mini masterpiece get created. Basically awesome. Basically.

Click here:

(She also has a ton of other cute nail tutorials! You’ll be amazed.)

Dare I Eat This? August 28, 2011

It seems like such a no-brainer that I would like this. I mean, I am a fiend for Dr Pepper! And I’m a firm believer that barbecue is definitely not too shabby. But put the two together?! I just don’t know about that…

Anyone ever try this stuff?

 

To Share Or Not To Share? June 19, 2011

There’s four of us in my family, so sometimes we have to say things like, “There are 12 donuts, so everyone gets three.” Or, “There’s eight cupcakes, so everyone gets two.” And we have to respect that! Otherwise someone will eat seven and leave one for the remaining three people to try and share equally. And by someone, I *don’t* mean me.

Ok, it’s me…

But sometimes, we make a batch of something like brownies or cookies and we say, “These are snooze you lose brownies” meaning eat as much as you want as fast as you want and we’ll see who gets what. If you wait too long, well…

This works well when everyone is familiar with the concept: the higher the snoozing, the higher the losing. And also, when some or all parties don’t have their heart set on whatever delicious treat awaits.

However, good luck making a sandwich in our house without someone asking, “Is that sandwich for everybody?” knowing full well it’s not! That’s a big joke around our house. Oh, it never gets old. I’m LOL’ing right now.

In fact, one of the funniest story lines in “Better With You” (a grossly underrated show, I might add!) is when everyone wants to eat the one donut the CPR teacher is saving for himself.

So…

You think these nuts are for everybody?

It Ain’t Easy Being Cold May 29, 2011

Yup, it’s that time of year again… When temps reach 100 degrees F – and even higher! Aaaaahhh, finally…

I looove the warm sun on my skin. Finally, I can thaw out…

The other day, we were walking out of a cold restaurant into the “hot” sun (my daughter in her tiny shorts & skimpy top, and I in my jeans & sweater, natch) when I made the remark, “Aaaaahh, I finally get to wear my summer sweater…” My daughter looks me over and asks, “Isn’t that your winter sweater?”

Me: “well, yeah, it’s my year-round sweater, but it’s only warm in the summer.”

Sweat = NOT Awesome May 24, 2011

I’m really liking my Zumba class: the music, the dancing, the workout, but whew! do I sweat. YUCK!!

As I was lamenting my complete and total sweatitude, my daughter says, “Women don’t sweat, we glow.”

Oh, really? Well, I’m glowing my ass off right now…

Ghosting It Up May 21, 2011

If I ever become a ghost, I know exactly what I’m going to do… What better way to spend my time as a ghost than to spend it turning people’s TV’s on and off? Imagine how much fun it would be! Nothing says, “Freak the hell out, people!” like random TV action.

Actually, there is a better way – I would take it one step further. For diabolical purposes, natch.

Right before the last shot of a big game… CLICK. I’d switch it to a soap opera. And just as the dying woman is revealing the big secret: “My… killer… is…” CLICK. Back to the game. And just in time, too! I wouldn’t want you to miss hearing the commentators say, “That was the game of the century!”

Bahahaha!

Ghostdom (ghosthood?) is gonna be so much fun.

Ice Cream?! Really?! April 27, 2011

As I was driving my kid to school this morning in a sleep-deprived daze, I noticed an ice cream truck ahead of us and I started to daydream…

It was awesome! Very Bourne trilogy. High intrigue. Lots of action. And stunts! Did I mention stunts?

But about half-way through my elaborate ice cream truck heist scenario, it hit me: ice cream?! Really?! Am I really plotting how to rob an ice cream truck?

That is why I will never rich. I need to learn to dream bigger! I mean, it was Blue Bell, but still…

Cuteness is Basically Awesome April 12, 2011

I have a confession to make… I almost hate to admit it because as a crazy cat lady, I take my cats – and my craziness – very seriously. So, I’m afraid that what I’m about to say will completely negate my crazy-cat-ladyness.

Ok, maybe it won’t completely negate it. In fact, maybe it provides that balance that makes me appear more normal. So, maybe it’s a good thing I come clean with this…

It turns out a dog can be just as awesome as a cat. Whaaaat? I know. I’m just as surprised as you. I never thought I’d say something like this! But when you find the right one, or, as in our case, she finds you, perfecto!

I’ve included photos as evidence. Prepare yourself for the cuteness!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Yes, I Did That March 17, 2011

I was just lying in bed wishing a cat would come cuddle me and bam! it happened. That’s the power of the mind. Sure, you might say, “Well you’re house is freakin full of cats! How can it not happen?” What a bunch of naysayers. Doubting Thomases. (Doubting Thomi?) To you, I say, “Whatever.”

Need more proof? It’s not uncommon that I get a hankering for a Dr Pepper. And when I do, bam! I get one. See?! That’s amazing. Now you’re saying, “Yeah, but you always buy it and you never let it run out! Your fridge is constantly full. That doesn’t count.” My response: “Bah!”

See how easily I dismiss your arguments? With one word even. That’s how flimsy your logic is. Moving on…

So what will I actualize next? I don’t know, maybe Rihanna tickets. Maybe world peace. Or maybe waffle cone flavored ice cream! But basically the next time something good happens in the world, you’ll have to ask yourself, “Did she do that?” And, I’ll be thinkin’, “Yes! I did that.”